A few days after being told about the divorce, my oldest son contacted me and said
that we were all going to have a family meeting regarding everything (minus my
husband).
“Family” was now taking on a different meaning.
I told myself while driving to my two older boys’ home that I was going to be strong.
I wasn’t going to let Bilingual Mom come out and speak in her crying language.
I can do this, I told myself.
My 3 sons and my son’s girlfriend, who I loved as my own, gathered in their living room
and we started discussing the divorce.
They did their best to tell me everything was going to be ok.
Words every person going through a divorce hears-but isn’t reassured by.
Then they started giving me specifics about the divorce.
They talked about Spousal Support, their Dad retiring and how that would affect me.
They brought up the need for me to get employment that provided health insurance
since I would be losing my health plan under their Dad.
I suddenly realized that not only had my husband told my boys he was going to be
asking me for a divorce-he had talked to them about details.
Details I didn’t even know-like him retiring.
He had made sure and prepped and planned around me in my blissful ignorance.
He had done everything he could to make the process as easy on himself as he
could-even including our children in the process.
My sorrow for my boys having to endure this broke my heart.
There is something that happens inside you when you start seeing your life partner as
a coward and conniving.
I didn’t want to see him, hear him or sense he was anywhere near me.
I would come to learn that my boys were not the only ones that he told about the
divorce before talking to me.
He had spoken to multiple people, including some of our neighbors.
He had even discussed rehoming some of my animals with neighbors before I knew
about the divorce.
What in the world?
What was happening to my life.
How could this be my new reality?
It didn’t feel real.
This was hard to wrap my head around and felt very cruel.
He had planned this out for some time.
I felt ashamed and embarrassed.
It felt like everyone was in on the joke but me…