I’m not sure if it is the same with every woman whose husband tells her he is divorcing
her or not, but for me, on the day my husband told me he was divorcing me, it was as if
my mind began to explode with all of the different realizations of so many things from
our life.
I started thinking about all the things he had been doing for the last 2 years or so, and I
realized they were in preparation for the divorce and it caused a deep ache in me.
We had lived in our home for 16 plus years.
It’s a simple but good home out in the country on a little over 5 acres.
It was my dream to raise my boys in the country and I felt Blessed to be able to do it.
I have 2 inside dogs-a Chorkie that I got after my breast cancer diagnosis and a robust
little chihuahua mix we got to be his buddy a few years later.
I never in my life thought I would have 2 small inside dogs.
I have always been an outside dog person.
BIG outside dogs.
But these little dogs have changed my life completely and gotten me through some
tough times and still are.
There is nothing like a wee little dog to distract you, whether it’s a Mastectomy or a
divorce.
A big yellow Lab named Bella rules over the outside yard, and she is my bosom buddy.
She is right by my side no matter where I am in the yard.
A tiny little bunny named Cornelia sits in a fancy hutch not far from the house.
She is my youngest son’s bunny, but every person in the family loves her.
Next to her is a chicken yard with a fantastic coop that houses 5 chickens.
Three Blue Australorp hens named Henny, Penny and Jenny.
A Polish hen named Polish Polly.
And a beautiful Silkie Rooster named Silkie Sam.
The hens rule the roost.
In our lower pasture is my Sweet Willow.
She is a little pygmy goat that I couldn’t wait to get when I first moved to our property.
And joining her is Charlotte my Nubian goat-Charlie for short.
Any sound I made in our yard brought them running to me in search of grain or some
other treat.
If you want to brighten your day, watch goats running across a pasture to you.
Things didn’t feel quite so bright on the days that Charlie would scream out across the
pasture like a human-but that’s a story for another day.
Rounding out the animal kingdom at our home are two Betta fishes sitting in tanks in
our living room.
Up until a couple years ago our yard was quite plain and simple, full of weedy grass
and a wooden deck off our sliding door that had become a danger to walk on.
But then all of a sudden, my husband began working around our home.
I was so excited to watch everything transform.
He built an outside storage barn area that we had never had before.
Then a large patio was put in.
A beautiful patio covering followed.
I felt so spoiled.
No more tables with umbrellas blowing away in the wind for me.
Our large patio side yard was rocked and landscaped with multiple plants.
I helped to choose the plants to put in these areas-learning about what plants work for
shade and sun and what plants were considered native or invasive.
When I look back on those moments now, I wonder what my husband was thinking as
he watched me participate in getting my house ready to sell in the divorce.
I feel embarrassed at my blissful ignorance.
I thought I was experiencing a Blessing.
I had no idea of the bad intentions behind what was going on.
Finally in my fifties I was watching my yard become something so beautiful to walk
around in and enjoy.
Maybe not fancy by other people’s standards, but lovely to me.
My husband then painted the outside of our house and put in a new beautiful double
front door with etched glass.
I was so excited when he had his old truck hauled away after all those years of sitting
in our yard like a yard sculpture.
I added a small garden, hung up bird houses, put in a bird bath and my yard became
ALIVE!
I never thought I would live in such beauty.
I thought that maybe this is what it’s like to get older, have your children start leaving
the nest and finally start finding the time to have these kinds of things take shape at
your home.
To me, it was the most beautiful place I had ever lived.
Veggie plants, fruit plants, and various flowers surrounded our house.
Birds, Bees and insects of all sorts were living the high life.
In addition to our domesticated animals, wild animals filled our yard-rabbits, squirrels,
racoons, opossums, deer, turkeys-so many beautiful creatures.
We had fresh chicken eggs, fruits and veggies from the garden and got to enjoy the
beauty of nature.
My heart was full every day when I walked around watering, filling bird feeders and
battling with the squirrels for things in my garden.
It was the first time I had ever gotten to have something like this.
I was in heaven.
I did not take it for granted.
I knew that not everybody gets to experience this type of life.
I felt Blessed to live amongst all of it.
I remember the day I showed my “new” yard to my sister with a big smile on my face
as I walked her around showing her everything.
Looking back on that moment now I am so embarrassed that I didn’t have a clue what
was really behind all the wonderful improvements.
Everything had been done to get my home ready to sell.
The realization of all of this the day my husband told me he was divorcing me, was
almost more than I could bear.
In an instant the joy of my home was sucked out of me.
In an instant I didn’t want to look at any of it any more…